By now, you’ve probably read the debate swirling around Amy Chua’s memoir  Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Chua’s been vilified as bullying and even abusive.  She claims she’s misunderstood by people who haven’t read her book, and, after finishing it, she’s right. Chua makes an important life choice towards the end of the book that is essential to the story she’s trying to tell in Tiger Mother, but it’s a big spoiler, so all I’ll say is that Chua is hardly the one-note dragon lady she’s been portrayed as. Her book provides an eye-opening look into the differences between the Eastern and Western worldviews, and parents from both sides of the globe can learn from it. 

That’s not to say Chua’s parenting practices aren’t worthy of criticism. To call her parenting style ‘extreme’ is an understatement. She insists that her daughters practice their instruments on vacation, even if that means missing the sights (a five-hour fight with daughter Lulu over practicing means she—and her husband, older daughter Sophia, and her own parents—miss out on the palace of Knossos in Crete). On Sundays, she spends 4 hours in the car driving Lulu to a one hour lesson with an elite teacher in New York, and insists the girl practice 1-2 hours on top of that. Saturdays are much the same. She pulls Lulu out of school several times a week (“I felt that they wasted a lot of time at Lulu’s school”) to squeeze yet more practice time in.  

Chua claims she does all this out of love for her daughters, and I believe her. She expresses love through intense discipline and an unshakeable confidence in her daughters’ abilities, whereas a different parent might do so by supporting her child’s choices. 

But for Chua to say that she’s only thinking of her daughters is faux-naif—or, if not, she is supremely unselfaware. Chua becomes a virtual expert in classical music, and calls her daughters’ lessons with elite teachers the highlight of her week. When her children are sleeping, she reads books on music and listens to CDs made by master violinists. “I had taken piano lessons a child, but my parents didn’t have the money to hire anyone good,” she writes, tellingly. In some ways, she views Sophia and Lulu as do-overs, Amy Chuas 2.0 and 3.0, and they better be perfect Amy Chuas, dammit!

In the West, we’d call that deeply, even pathologically selfish; it’s the stuff of lurid films starring Joan Crawford (or, recently, Natalie Portman). But Chua puts an interesting cultural spin on it by noting that, “in China, the child is viewed as an extension of the self.” If you think of your kids as wayward portions of your psyche, and if you have high standards and high self-esteem, then you’ll feel that you have every right to whip them into form. 

Chua sometimes sets up a false dichotomy between Western and Eastern parents, largely for the sake of justifying her perfectionism and making herself seem superior. “Western parents have to struggle with their own conflicted feelings about achievement, and try to persuade themselves that they’re not disappointed about how their kids turned out,” she writes, nastily. Sometimes, her remarks on how Western parents get to “drink wine and go to yoga” while she’s stuck drilling her daughters for hours sound like bragging. She accuses virtually all Western parents of being undisciplined and overly concerned about their children’s self-esteem. And yet Chua’s a wealthy Yale law professor. Surely she’s come across parents who are so obsessed with getting their kids  into a Ivy League school that they spend all week ferrying them to sports, activities, SAT prep sessions, and community service, all in pursuit of that perfect ‘well-rounded’ transcript.  If anything, those overscheduled helicopter parents are too Chua-esque.

Moreover, in some ways, Chua’s parenting style is less about her ethnicity than it is about her extreme Type-A personality. Case in point: Chua owns a Samoyed named Coco. When she reads that Samoyeds are ranked low among dog breeds in terms of intelligence (“I was nauseated”), she immediately signs her hapless canine up for Doggy Kindergarten (an entry-level dog class with “opportunities for advancement”). At one point, she catches herself asking her husband, “What are your dreams for Coco?” Even had she grown up a corn-fed Midwesterner, Chua doubtless would have been driven to success at all costs.

But, overgeneralizations and idiosyncrasies aside, Tiger Mother is still a revealing look at Chinese and Western views about childhood, parenting, success, and what makes for a good life. Reading it may outrage you (if you’re anything like me, you’ll daydream about kidnapping Lulu and Sophia and letting them play video games and stuff themselves full of Nutella all weekend), but it will also make you think. 

In cute news from Bizarro World, a Virginia woman caused a stir when she showed up for jury duty with a marmoset in her bra. She claimed the baby monkey, which was wearing a dress and bloomers, was too young to be left alone.

http://whogivesamonkeys.com/2011/03/13/woman-smuggles-monkey-into-court-in-her-bra/

If someone showed up with a marmoset when I was at jury duty, I'd never be able to concentrate. I'd be asked to vote on the defendant's guilt or innocence, and I'd be like, "Um .  . . cute?" Seriously, just look at this face:

Also, now I want a tiny monkey to carry around in my bra. All women should have one. Think about it: Monkeys + cleavage. No one is immune to that combination. Ladies, we and our furry friends could rule the world . . .

Last night's Oscars may have been a massive snooze, but who watches the show for the hosts, anyway? It's all about the gowns, which were . . . largely a snooze. It's enough to make me miss this year's Globes, with their plethora of kooky Dynasty-era shoulder pads and leg-of-mutton sleeves.

But there were a few bright spots, so let's get into them, shall we?

The Good:

Scarlett Johansson

Johansson wore the most memorable gown of the night: an unpretentious purple lace number with just enough cutouts and trimming to keep it interesting. I love the open back, and how the darts and lace of the train hint at Victoriana.

Natalie Portman

Perfect grape color, beautiful sihoutte. The details aren't anything new, but they are pretty, and when you are glowing, pregnant, and have an Oscar, what more do you really need?

Camila Alves

I don't know who this woman is, other than "Matthew McConaughey's girlfriend," but wow! The elegant, should-be-hootchie-but-it-ain't thing (see, Lopez, Jennifer and Jones, January) is hard to pull off: it's all too easy to slide over the edge into just-plain-hootchie (also see, Lopez, Jennifer). Here the billowy silk skirt and the perfect geometry of the bodice offset the deep cleavage. 

Sandra Bullock

Bullock went for classic glam in a tomato-red column that suits her coloring well.

Anne Hathaway (various)

I've never been a huge fan of Hathaway's, but tonight she made me like her. A little. Maybe it had to do with the way she was trying so hard to make do with the lousy material she was given (unlike James Franco, who acted like a bored teenager all night), or maybe it was her dresses, most of which were gorgeous. Like this beautiful red Valentino:

Or this shimmery space-age number, which by all rights should look plasticy, but somehow, on her, is elegant:

Or my favorite of the umpteen gowns, this burgundy one. It's even better with her coloring than the bold red (go brunettes!):

Hathaway only wore each dress for about a nanosecond, but wisely chose this one to wear to the Vanity Fair afterparty, where she acted like any woman with a pulse by going gaga in the presence of Colin Firth:

We know, Anne. We know.

Hailee Steinfeld

This is every young girl's dream dress: it's cute without being cloying, and the leafy design on the overlay adds a touch of couture. The headband, though, looks like it came from Claire's Accessories, and is too young even for the 15-year-old Steinfeld.

Gwyneth Paltrow

The clean lines of Paltrow's dress evoke the 20's, and her severely parted hair matches well with her overall toned-down style.

Celine Dion

The tightness and shirring of Dion's dress keeps it from being matronly, while the low neckline calls attention to her elaborate emerald necklace.

Florence Welch (red carpet)

Welch--about whom I admittedly know very litle--just looks so darn comfortable in this gown that it totally works. It's like she's saying, "Look, I'm not a sparkly glamour girl--this is me." It wouldn't work on anyone else, but it's awesome on her.

The bad:

Melissa Leo

Doily Does Disco! The boxy silhouette is unflattering, and the texture reminds me of making Valentines with paper lace as a kid.

Kathryn Bigelow

This one looks like a Snuggie with a gold belt and a few random slashes. It's like something Mrs. Robinson would wear after a three-day-bender. By her pool, when she knew no one else was going to see her.

Jennifer Hudson

I love me some orange, but everything else about this dress is all wrong. Hudson looks lost a in a swathe of fabric--and not good fabric, but something with that awful plasticy feel to it that bad bridesmaid dresses have. The sad thing is, I'm sure that it is expensive fabric, but it doesn't reflect the light well. And there's something about the way her breasts just kind of . . . levitate on her chest that's odd. Not a good dress.

Mandy Moore (singing)

Mandy Moore skinned Cookie Monster!

But, I have to say, her makeup, hair, and posture on the red carpet were great. She looks so grown-up!

And now I feel old.

Annette Bening

Annette Bening supports Tron: Legacy!

Nicole Kidman

Last night was a rare misstep for Kidman, who looked to be wearing a frumpy bridal gown that had been cut down. I wasn't loving the red shoes or flat hair, either.

But: These diamonds. Dang.

Mila Kunis

Wait, are those pasties? Kunis's falling-to-shreds purple dress looked like a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen--or one that had already happened, or both.

Michelle Williams

Williams is adorable with her pixie haircut, and I liked the clean lines of this dress, but there was something a little grandmotherly about it. See, if Annette Bening had worn it, I would have really liked it, but it's too old-looking for Michelle.

Miscellany:

All shall love her, and despair:

I know this isn't a popular opinion, but I kinda like Cate Blanchett's space-princessy gown. It'd be better without the yellow bits, and with a straight skirt rather than the flowy one (hey, if you're gonna go space princess, go full-on space princess), but I see where the designer was going with the geometry of the square sleeves and the circle on the bodice. And the fractal-like designs and the barnacley texture were at least unique in a night filled with safe choices. The dress doesn't quite come together, but it does attempt to say something.

If you bought your Kindle largely due to its resemblance to a Star Trek PADD, you'll love this hack, which allows you to replace those boring author screen savers with Trekkie ones. Now, when you leave your Kindle on for too long, it'll look like you're receiving a subspace communique or mining the main computer for information on Captain Picard.

GOOD.com normally makes amazing infographics. Their site has a crunchy-liberal vibe, so I was surprised to see them make a cultural FAIL on one of their latest efforts:

http://starbucks.yahoo.com/wrapped?tileid=tile_home_1&url=http://www.good.is/post/transparency-what-s-up-with-china-s-one-child-policy1%3Flat%3D35.911034%26long%3D-78.937484%26addr%3D202%2BW%2BNC%2BHighway%2B54%2B403%2BDurham%2BNC%26zip%3D27713%26vh%3Dbfe47c75d289b20190325ce616a2fac76e192c8a%26ts%3D1297879610&category=home

The expression "Land of the Rising Sun" refers to Japan, not China (it's a poetic translation of Nippon, which means "sun's origin"), and, no, those two countries are not similar enough that the cutesy title can cover both of them. The chop-suey font doesn't help things either. Frankly, I'm disappointed that GOOD would make the all-too-common "all Asian countries are interchangeable" error. 

This lady deserves her own comic book series. 71-year-old grandma Ann Timson of Northampton, England chased off a gang of six robbers armed with only a handbag. (If she's anything like some women I know, that purse is a brick, but still.) When Timson saw the men breaking into a jewelry store in broad daylight, she attacked them with her bag, causing them to flee. One crook's motor scooter even tipped over as he attempted to escape in a hilarious FAIL.

Miss Arkansas Alyse Eady was first runner-up at the Miss America pageant a couple of nights ago. Judging by her talent, girl got robbed. This woman can yodel while ventriloquizing, never once losing her shiny pageant smile. It's like a scene from Drop Dead Gorgeous, but for real. It's weird as all heck, but kind of creepy cool, too--and better than another hamfisted baton-twirling routine.

The best:

January Jones stole the show in a shocking red gown. Her screen-siren hair and posture, and the nod to couture in the pleats of the skirt contrasted with the look-at-me display of cleavage. She looked, in the best possible way, like a fembot. On a night full of bland frills and misbegotten nods to the '80s, this daring number was a standout. 

Eva Longoria's dress combines low-cut sexiness with Mad Men-chic.  And her skirt falls to the red carpet just so.

The back's pretty cute, too:

Elizabeth Bennet goes couture in Leighton Meester's cute dress:

Halle Berry was stunning in basic black. The corset-like bodice showed off her athletic figure to great advantage, and the long skirt added feminine flow. 

Angelina Jolie's slinky green dress hinted towards her serpentine side.

Daisy Buchanan would have felt at home in Scarlett Johanssen's peach frock.

This column of pink was the perfect shade for Claire Danes's coloring:

Kyra Sedgwick chose a knockout shade of saffron for her gown:

The worst:

Sandra Bullock: From the Morticia Addams hair to the Miss Havisham-meets-the-Jazz-Age frock, there's little to like about this look.

Natalie Portman's lovely diamond choker and odd sequined rose competed for attention, making her ensemble less than successful. Her pink dress was unflatteringly draped, and her hairstyle was too severe.

Anne Hathaway tried to bring the '80s back with this ode to Dynasty:

Julianna Margulies looks like someone who dashed out of her house when the fire alarm sounded, wrapping a towel around her waist en route.

Annette Bening's hair and glasses said "nerdy professor," but her gown appeared to have pores.

Julianne Moore's dress is confusing: neither the poofy sleeve nor the half-necklace works well.

The blue color is smashing, but this dress, despite its low neckline, somehow manages to make Hayden Panettiere look dowdy:

Heidi Klum can stop bullets with her bracelets. It's true.

Trends:

• Sleeves! They're back, with a vengeance. Anne Hathaway, Angelina Jolie, Annette Bening, Eva Longoria, Katey Sagal, Hayden Panettiere, and Glee's Heather Morris all had 'em. In fact, the last time so many women's arms were covered at an awards show was . . . 
• The 1980s. Some of sleeves were leg o' mutton, recalling the heyday of Princess Di. Glittery gowns with high necklines also hearkened back to the era of Prince and Cyndi Lauper.
• Pink. The hue of the night was sported by Natalie Portman, Claire Danes, Lea Michele, and Sophia Vergara.
• Emerald. Angelina Jolie, Mila Kunis, and Catherine Zeta-Jones glowed in green.